Saturday, 25 January 2014


Lately I have been questioning the meaning and purpose of my life. It seems my quarter life crises has hit early. My brain is the epicentre of a storm of thoughts. So many thoughts raging in my head, sometimes interconnected, sometimes completely unrelated.

I have had this phase for a couple of months now. Initially I attributed this dispondency and feeling of hopelessness to not having known what my immediate future held considering I was only studying for exams that would decide my immediate future. Now, I have my results and I know where my next two years would be spent. By June, 2014, I would be in one of the most coveted b-schools of this country, studying how to become a good manager. Quite an achievement in my opinion and I believe yours too. But then what? What would I do once I graduate? Do I work at a corporate job? Would that make me happy? The money would most definitely make me happy. But for how long? Would that job give me some purpose in life or would I feel like a robot conditioned to do the bidding of others? If not a corporate job then would I be an entrepreneur? Would I even have a business idea to start with? Would that be a satisfying career for me? If yes how would this MBA help me?

Questions and more questions. Any rational human would tell me that my questions would all be answered in due course and that I could not possibly know all that unless I learn and experience more. But sadly enough my questions have started crawling on another trajectory. What kind of future do I even see for myself? In all honesty, I have never been a very ambitious person. While I can't be a housewife, I don't see myself climbing the corporate ladder to be an influential businesswoman either. Such a future comes at a cost. The cost of family, one which I am not willing to pay. I want a content and quiet life for myself. A life with a sense of purpose while at the same time a life with a loving companion. I do not want a life where I am constantly fighting for time. I do not wish to chase empty goals. I want to make a change but I want to do that at my pace. I value people in my life. I value them a lot more than a fancy high paying job. I do believe my happiness lies with the people I love. But then again happiness is not just one thing or one person in your life. Its an amalgamation of people, love and purpose. How then am I to keep that perfect balance? I fear that the direction in which I am heading right now would dis-balance the scales of my happiness.

I think that I know what I want but I also fear making decisions based on my very limited experiences. There is a reason something is coveted. People see the future I am heading towards as a desirable one. Am I being immature by forming conclusions based on incomplete knowledge? Or am I just questioning conformism? What other people might think desirable does not necessarily have to give me happiness. What then is the right thing to do?

I believe I can take comfort in the idea that as humans we tend to make mistakes. We make wrong decisions all the time but we learn from them. I just hope to never regret any decisions I make. Regret is by far the worst burden in life. At just 22 years of age, I am already aware of it. Whatever happens in life, I don't want regret to ever be a part of it again. Ever.

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